Only a number

Ask me my age on any given day and I mentally have to do the math to answer you.

Ask me my age today.....

Ask me my age tomorrow.....

Here I sit on the eve of my 38th birthday with the sense of impending doom looming over my head. I find it troubling to be 38. I realize now that I am "middle aged." Both of my grandmothers died in their seventies, if heredity proves correct so will I. All day I have thought about them and how they probably felt about turning 38. They were probably both too busy with jobs, houses and families to even realize that half of their life was behind them.



Funny how a number that wasn't there yesterday can make you feel older or look older when looking in a mirror. What is in a number? Why do they mean so much to us?



What is 38?

How do you truly measure a life time?

525,600 minutes in a year.

I have been on this Earth for 19,972,800 minutes.

How many do I have left?

How many will be filled with pain?

How many will be filled with love and laughter?



I know that everyone reading, especially those older than me are wondering why this number is such a big deal to me? I can see you sitting there reading this thinking, "If only I could be 38 again..." I can also hear you talking to the computer and saying, "come on Jennifer....you have so many years left, celebrate your birthday and be happy!"



I know that how I look upon being 38 is all up to me. I can consider it negative or I can place a positive spin on it. Tomorrow when you ask me my age it will rattle off my tongue with little thought. Maybe I'll forget about it in a few days and have to redo the math. For the next 4 hours and 19 minutes I am 37 and for that I am grateful.