So Fickle

We humans are so fickle. When we have to do something every week we get bored and complain. When we are relieved of this job, we feel left out and alone. The old saying comes to mind..."Be careful what you ask for!"

My husband has always worked the three to eleven shift. Ever since I met him, he worked this shift....you just get used to it. He worked at night and I got things done like scrapbooking and laundry. After we had the twins, my nights were filled with dance lessons, gymnastics, trips to the library, etc.... Each night I would feel so tired...the kids would get on my last nerve...I felt like all the burden was on me. Why couldn't Tim be here at night to help me with everything that needed to get done. Secretly I wished he was here to help....

Then came December, when Tim decided he would change shifts and be home every night. My prayers were answered. He could take the twins to dance....He could take them to gymnastics....a lot less stress and I would have help. AMEN! And so for the first two weeks Tim would come home and take the kids to wherever they needed to go. I would stay home, prepare dinner and feel totally left out. The children are excited that daddy can finally bring them everywhere....not even noticing that mommy has done it for the past four years. Daddy spoils them when they go out...he buys them drinks and snacks from the "forbidden" vending machines. Daddy became the hero, Mommy felt forgotten. But why so fickle? This is what I wished for on so many nights...Why now do I miss the hustle and bustle of getting my children to where they need to go? I used to check in with the teachers....watch every move that the twins made. I knew the kids in their classes and every step to the dance routines. Now I wait for them to come home and try to pry the information out of them.

This week I found myself showing up to their dance class even though daddy had already brought them. I could have been doing anything for that hour and here I was driving to their dance class. Truth is....I'm a mother....I miss my children even when they are only gone for an hour. I'm a mother and I want to know everything that my children take part in...everything they encounter. Without my children I am lonely and just feel empty inside. Parenting does get monotonous...It does get frustrating...We do wish for help. I am very glad that my husband is finally able to be home every evening....It feels great to have back up when I am so tired...when I just can't hear another argument or scream! I guess I secretly wished for a partner more than a replacement. There will be nights when I will welcome Tim taking over, but for the most part our children will be the only ones that have both parents at every practice, class and event. They are so lucky and so am I.