Too Fast

     Depression is something that runs in my family.  I was sure that after the birth of my twins I would experience Post-Partum Depression.  Although I worried about it constantly, I never experienced it.  I was so excited to be a mother that I never felt one moment of sadness.  I handled the early days and weeks with confidence and true happiness.  Every day I found something to celebrate and for the very first time in my life I felt complete.  Now, the twins are four and I often find myself looking at them and feeling a hurt in my heart.  When I think of how fast the years have flown by, I feel depression.  I guess I have been blessed with "Growing Up Too Fast Depression."

     The past four years have gone by so fast, like a blur.  One minute they weighed four pounds and the next minute they are in Preschool.  I used to hold them both in my arms and feel their heartbeats, now they are often "too busy" to be cuddled.  They can write their alphabet, do simple addition and get dressed all by themselves.  Although, I celebrate their independence, I wish like most mothers that there was a magic pill that would keep us all in this moment forever.  They want to get taller, I want them to shrink.  They want to run and I remember carrying them.  There are so many things that I look forward to in the future, so why do I get these feelings of dread?

     Through much soul searching, I realized that I was looking at the "growing up process" all wrong.  I am not loosing my babies, I am watching them transform into the person they were destined to become.  I need to look at each new year as a "Rebirth."  As they age, my children will change and become new people right in front of my eyes.  As with true birth, I will be given the chance to meet my child in a new way.   There will be new adventures, new conversations and a new relationship to share.  I guess I can compare it to eating a favorite cookie.....As you eat the last bite you can lament that it is the last bite or you can rejoice in having the chance to eat the cookie in the first place. 

                       I choose to rejoice!